I'm gonna have a badass scar
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
