Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
