Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
