Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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