I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
