Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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