I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
