Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
