i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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