$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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