I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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