quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
