Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
