i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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