i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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