Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
