Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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