I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
