She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
