Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
