I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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