I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
