When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
