omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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