Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
