this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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