I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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