college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
