Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
