He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
