if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
birth control should be required to get into college
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
