I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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