if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
