Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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