tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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