Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
