Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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