The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
