Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
