Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
