No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
