omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
