How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
