Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
