Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
