theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
