the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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