IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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