She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
