I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
