I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
